Dear Federal Funding that I apply for every year, which discourages me every year, and whose name I will not mention this year because perhaps it's not the best thing that people can Google me with such terms as "What are my chances of winning a [REDACTED]?" (I don't want to kill all their hopes yet), but I can say that it's name -- an acronym -- is a homonym of "shirk," which is a joke that now Janny or Matt can't make because I got there first:
Okay, you've trapped me again. I'm caring about winning you again. Yesterday morning, I had decided to try my hardest, consult with a lot of people, but not to get my hopes up and make all my future plans on the assumption that I'd never get that money. But then I had a meeting with my grad chair, in which she got really excited about my research plans, and moved my Program of Study around in make it catchier. And then I went to the workshop with that Grantscrafting lady and realised that the application's a little less than a month away, and everything is already in a good place. Now it'll just be tweaking and meeting with lots of people who can go over my drafts.
I'm starting to have thoughts like "You know, maybe I have a fighting chance this year." I'm falling into your trap again. (But can I have some of the money this time? I'd use it so well.)
Much love,
the Queen of West Procrastination
3 comments:
Spoilsport. Although I wish you much luck in winning that much-coveted, unfortunately named award.
Having just come to the end of the equivalent process on the other side of the world, I wish you luck and feel your pain. I tried to not care, and I tried to avoid being disappointed when I missed out, but to some extent I had to invest some emotion or I never would have ben able to get through the thing written. It's a high-wire act convincing yourself it's worth the effort to apply while holding off the desire to actually succeed.
Oh, I've been there, and it is a very cruel mistress of an award.
Good luck in winning it, though! (Or the "lottery" as one of my MA committee members termed it)
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