Mom

To the woman who chats with me every morning, while I'm sitting under my SAD lamp and she's finishing her coffee and crossword puzzles.  Who has put up with every annoying nickname from my siblings and me.  Who saw an art installation that looked like tulips with a canoe on top and said "Take a picture of me standing under that thing."  Who takes care of everyone, far beyond just our immediate family. 

Happy Mother's Day.  I miss you, Mom. 

An open letter to Chris's HP Printer

Listen up. And don't start into this whole "I'm always 'Chris's printer' when I'm misbehaving." You are two steps away from being "The Salvation Army's printer," unless you straighten up.

I tried to love you when Chris brought you into the marriage from his bachelor days in Eatonia. I have respect for HP products. I even own an HP mug. But you've made things very difficult for me. Why do you only cause problems for me, and never for Chris?

Why do you insist on causing problems on every occasion when I really need you to behave? When I tried to get my final copy of my thesis printed off, your margins wouldn't stay even, and you would frequently grab two pages at a time. Every single [Shirk-alike] deadline has been hectic because you've chosen to act up. Last year you suddenly ran out of ink, without warning, on the day this application was due. You forced me to walk to the mall, in the driving rain, with a broken umbrella, for a replacement cartridge.

This year? This year you've been especially bad. Sporadically deciding that you don't recognise my computer? Refusing to restart? Mysteriously switching to "A4" mode and cutting off the bottom border of page 4 every time, regardless of setting? That was a low point indeed.

Fine. I will admit that you pulled through in the end, both last year and this. But you'd better watch yourself.

I have my eye on you.