I just heard back from [German funding agency]. And...it's a no. I made it to the last round (which is always nicer than being filtered out at the beginning), but today I got the "we regret..." email.
I'm weirdly okay with all this. So, this means I'm not gone for Christmas (if I'm going on my own dime and we can't afford to fly out Chris for the holidays, there's no way I'm spending Christmas on my own in another country). I'm only going to go for two months, and order microfilm of all the newspapers I need to use. This also means that I no longer need to apply for a visa. And I just did the numbers and figured out that, if I go and get a bank student loan (which I needed to do anyway), I can afford this trip and still have available money to fill in the gaps now that I'm a fifth year student and no longer get scholarship money from the university.
And that gigantic, insane application was not a waste: it forced me to improve my German skills, make contacts in Germany (who I will still visit, even if I no longer have to), and helped me to make sense of my research project.
So, I'm weirdly relieved right now. And have now started making active plans for my research trip. At least my life isn't on hold any more.
(The title is taken from the always-wonderful LynnieC, who decided to make me feel better about losing [Shirk-alike] by insulting the funding agency Mean Girls-style.)