(Yes, that is a Monkees reference.)
When something large happens in your life, do you tell people? I mean, not just your immediate family and close friends, but your co-workers and casual acquaintances? When someone who is not within your immediate circle of trust asks "How are you?" do you quickly reply "Fine." and then move on to small talk? Or do you take that as an opportunity to tell them how you actually are?
I compulsively talk about myself. I've really realised this in the past two weeks, because I've told pretty much anyone who will talk to me that I'mhomelessbecausemyapartmentfloodedthesamedaythatmydadwentintothehospitalthesameweekendasmygrandma'sfuneral.
(I'm pretty sure that's going to mess up my blog's layout.)
I can't help telling people. It's just so momentous! This is huge! This also gets huge reactions, which is why I fear I tell too many people. But I don't know how to operate any other way!
Take, for example, one of my professors. (Actually, two of my professors, but I've been in immediate contact with one of them lately.) I've been working on my comps list with one of my professors. He told me to send him the bibliography, that it'll take about a week to get back to me. I ran into him at my conference, and he was so apologetic that he was a few days late in responding! I hadn't noticed because...(see above). But he made it seem like his academic work was just really busy right now. The next day, I was talking with one of the other PhD candidates, and he mentioned that my professor had suddenly gotten married that previous week! To one of my other profs!
What got me comparing these two situations is the fact that I just got an e-mail from this professor. He told me to do some more looking in the library, and he's not going to be around for the next week. He's going to be "disappearing" (read: honeymooning) over Reading Break. This is the closest that he's come to mentioning to any of his students that he's married now. At the same time, my friends here are house-sitting for a neighbour with whom they are close. As Barb drove her to the airplane, she managed to wrangle out of her the fact that this neighbour's mysterious trip was to get married!
In both cases: I'm pretty sure I have no idea how I would manage to keep that quiet. When Chris and I decided to get married (three years ago yesterday), I pretty well shouted it from the rooftops in my department. My current students all know about my apartment flood.
Is there something wrong with me? Should I learn to be more guarded about my non-academic self? Is this why I became a blogger, so that I could broadcast the minutiae of my day?
10 comments:
Actually I think it's great- because the model in academia is so stereotypically male. We should all promote the idea that students and professors have personal lives, which sometimes affect their professional lives, and that's how it is!
It's hard to pick-up students when they know you're married (as I'm sure you've realized!).
and actually, I'm a lot like you in that respect, it sounds like. I tell people the truth about what's going on. why shouldn't I? why shouldn't you? I'm with Jenny: we all should.
I'm not at all sure why my comment begins with the word "and". Hmmm :)
I think some people just like to keep their private lives extra private and some not so much. I'm in the not so much category. Everyone knows I'm married; for me there's no reason to keep the "strict" division between "personal" and "professional" in that particular area.
Yeah, actually I'm a big fan of promoting the knowledge that academics have private lives, and that it's not something to hide.
I agree that it would be great to be more open about our personal lives, but what about getting men to do it too?
I just think it's a personality difference...some people enjoy talking about their lives with many of the people they know where as other only share with those that are very close to them.
Personally, I don't talk about my life with everyone. I've found that I don't like the way I feel after sharing personal information with people I don't know well. Sometimes I also feel uncomfortable when people I don't know well talk about their personal life.
I don't know that one is better than the other.
I think you talk about yourself too much. You should talk about me more.
I wouldn't worry too much. I can understand keeping one's private life private, but a major life change like, say, getting married seems like something fairly public to me. I definitely wouldn't be able to keep a lid on that one, either.
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