Anticipation/Dread

I'm in such an odd transitional stage. Everything that came before this was busy insanity, and here I approach doctoral studies, which... yeah. So, today I read profgrrrrl's "welcome new doc students" speech on her blog. As if I'm not feeling nervous enough.

Actually, I'm feeling entirely ambivalent toward the next year. There's part of me that is so over with this summer. It's been too much of an emotional rollercoaster for me to handle continuing it much longer. Bring on academia! However, I still haven't heard back from the external examiner on the official date of my defence. This is nerve-wracking, because I really ought to be booking a plane ticket soon, with our nearly-imaginary money. And I should be preparing for the defence somehow! How should I even be preparing? I can't exactly be re-reading my books. They're in Regina. Maybe I should skim back over the primary sources. I definitely should re-read my thesis. Gah!

And then there's the impending year of courses. I barely know what I'm taking in the fall, because I can't register until after I defend. I have my theoretical courseload written down somewhere. But I still need to find out if I can audit a German class. I still need to find out if I have to attempt the German language test at the end of September, or if I can just take it in March.

So, I'm ready for summer to be over, but I'm not ready for it to be fall. And part of me is frightened of the new school/new responsibilities/new classes. It's been a year since I've taken a class!

How did I stray so far from my comfort zone?