Public/Private

I switch modes eerily well. Right now, my hair is greasy, and I'm wearing an oversized University of Delaware t-shirt with a navy fleece zip-up bunnyhug, and acrylic paint-splashed pants. Bare feet. Look of despair on my face, as I desperately procrastinate at the computer.

Later this afternoon, I'm going to make my mother's world-famous scalloped potatoes, shower, wear something nice, do my hair, and put on makeup. I'm going to drive to a friend's house and spend an evening chatting with the other women in my department. I will enjoy myself and will act competent the whole time. I will speak knowledgably about my field, and will probably tell them about the essay I'm writing, as if I'm excited about it. I will be excited about it.

It's weird, sitting here right now, fully aware of how things are about to change. Maybe I can trigger that change a bit early and pour some of that enthusiasm into my schoolwork.