Discontentment

Somewhere along the line, I forgot how to be contented. At this time last year, Chris was unemployed, I wasn't able to register for classes (and thus couldn't collect any scholarship money yet), and we were just barely holding things together, financially. Right now, we're not in that place. I just finally received word that I can register for classes, which means that I can soon look forward to scholarship, fellowship, and signing bonus money. Chris has a second interview on Thursday for a promotion (please pray). Yes, money is fairly tight right now, but it's because we're trying to get our finances on track and pay off a bunch of stuff. Right now, all spare money goes toward debt.

And yet, if you asked me what I would do with a spare several thousand dollars, I could give you a detailed list:

• I'd buy myself some really good walking shoes.
• I'd replace that laptop of mine, which is getting cracks in the monitor.
• I'd buy a good electric piano, with full keyboard and weighted, touch-sensitive keys.
• I'd get a couch exactly the same as the one we're borrowing right now, and never have to return to futon-as-couch living.
• I'd buy a whole bunch of new clothing.
• At Christmas, I'd fly to Texas for my friend's wedding.

I was mulling over these demands while I was waiting for the bus today. I was thinking about my friends who could afford to fly to Texas for the wedding, envying the ready money that they had. And then I started wondering: when did I get like this? I've always gotten after people who have the mindset of "I'll be happy when...", and especially "I'll be happy when I have..." What use is this mindset that I've developed? It's not helping me at all, and all it's doing is making me unhappy.

And so I'll readjust:

• I am thankful that Chris has a good full-time job, where he's doing well, and an opportunity for advancement within that company (into a job where he'd be teaching, and he'd have holidays off).
• I am thankful for my lovely apartment, living under the best landlords I could imagine. (Did I mention that they brought us back a present from Hong Kong?) I am also thankful that my cost of living really didn't go up, when I moved from Saskatchewan to this Island.
• I am thankful for my little digital camera, and that I got to use it to film the cutest train display that was going on near my house yesterday. One of the model trains shot bubbles out of its smokestack!
• I am thankful that I've gotten to spend the summer with so many wonderful friends and family members.
• I am thankful for my supportive little church group, who always hug us and tell us how glad they are that we live here.
• I am thankful that I live right near a pretty beach.
• I am thankful for my supervisor, who is amazingly supportive, and who inspires me to get excited about my research.
• I am thankful for my fellow grad students in my department, who aren't all cut-throat competitive, but instead form a support system for me at the university.
• I am thankful that I get to register now, and thus don't have to return all my library books this week.
• I am thankful that I have the best family and family-in-law that I could ever imagine.
• I am thankful to have Chris, who makes me jell-o, watches silly movies with me, and runs around in a Batman cape when I am sad.
• And I am thankful for you internet people!

And now I'd better get back to library work.