The Procrastination, It Continues

Time: 10:37am

Time I got up: 8:10am

Where am I now: blogging in bed

I am wearing: yellow pyjamas, and have my hair pinned back with bobby pins

I have eaten: leftover chicken burrito cassserole (you make what you'd put inside a chicken burrito, and then you just eat it out of a bowl). I washed it down with cold leftover jasmine tea.

Yesterday's goal for today: I was going to have read most of the pertinent parts of Joy Parr's The Gender of Breadwinners, and then today I was going to get up at a reasonable time, bus to school, photocopy all of my upcoming readings, and then spend the day reading them in the office, so that I wouldn't get distracted.

Where I actually am: I'm part-way through Parr's introduction.

Neuroses: I've been having some problems reading lately, exacerbated by the mild panic attack I had during historiography yesterday afternoon. I really hadn't done enough readings to be adequately prepared for class (the combination of conference and preparation for that morning's seminar), but I thought I understood them. Then, people started talking about the readings and I felt like I hadn't understood them at all. And I tried to glance in the readings, and the words looked entirely unfamiliar and they started to swim on the page, and the gale-force winds started making the whole atmosphere really loud and nightmarish... At the break, I told the prof that I was having an allergic reaction (because it was clear there was something wrong), and I went for a walk to go get some green tea to calm myself down. I also talked it over, during the break, with a couple of other students who felt in over their heads (like, another student ended up with a migraine by the end of class), and progressively I felt a little more stable. Like, I spent the second half of the class not feeling like I was about to bolt/cry/throw up any second. (At least a good nights' sleep has calmed the heart palpitations.) And now I've whined way too much, with a readership where I know that several of you have had way worse panic attacks, on a way more regular basis, than I ever have.

The moral of the story: It's a bit harder today to get into my readings, because there's this lingering self-doubt. Maybe I should shower, get dressed, and go do some photocopying, because that would all be active and productive.

The trade-off for having a really easy cell phone number: I get an inordinate number of wrong number calls. Fortunately, I usually have my phone off, or the ringer off, because I'm frightened that I'll accidentally leave my phone on during a class, and end up getting a call.

Good news I forgot to mention: Chris got his shift changed! He now doesn't start work until 7:00am, as opposed to 5:00am. It makes life more liveable, since it means bedtime isn't until 11:00pm. And now his weekend is Friday/Saturday, which is almost a normal weekend (and he doesn't start on Sunday until the middle of the afternoon). We get fun Saturday mornings again! (Next stop: Sook-Yim Lee and pancakes!)

Now the time is: 11:33am. (Whoops! I went looking for a link and got reading over past bloggy stuff...)