Rise and Fall

Why am I so easily discouraged? I was having a good day. A really good day: I even wore a skirt with my black turtleneck, to represent how I felt like everything was finally coming together. I got most of the SSHRC requirement stuff done in record time (all the contacting people about stuff, and all the picky little things other that the Program of Study, the draft of which I wrote last night). I didn't have any trouble with my German translation, and I was early for everything, I got my allergy shot (which made me feel really good) and I did really well in class today. A lot of things started clicking into place with German. I was feeling organised, clear and confident, all of which is rare for me.

And then, when I got home, I had the response from the grantscrafting lady. She was not really impressed by my Program of Study. Her first words, to her initial comments in her e-mail, were "I don't know what you can do here." I have some major restructuring to do, and she made clear that I should have met with her "much earlier," because there's so much work to be done. (And she would like to see a revised copy, and work some more, but she's back on the 4th, which is my department's deadline. Why is my deadline so much earlier than other departments and other schools?)

And at that point I started feeling completely incompetent. How can I know what is good and "compelling" writing? I barely trust my own judgement right now. (I haven't even read her full comments, added to the document -- I was so discouraged by her initial remarks that I can't face the rest of it yet.)

I have to keep going, to keep up the pace. But I really don't feel like it right now.