Friday, April 22, 2005

Still Here

Day two of this has gone more slowly. But, somewhere around lunchtime, I went for the most wonderful walk out to the creek, to clear my head. I knew I had to get out -- the re-working of chapter three was driving me nuts (and it's not like I'm re-working it much, and it's my shortest chapter! And it involves the exact same research as chapter two! What's wrong with me?), and so I changed my clothes, put on flip-flops, and just started walking. I took an entirely different route than I usually take, and I wasn't entirely sure where I wanted to go. I knew I would decide where I got there. At first, I thought I'd just walk around the block. Then, I thought I'd go a little further -- my head wasn't nearly clear enough! Then, I thought I'd turn near the park -- maybe I'd walk to the beginning of the bike path and then turn around. But then I saw the creek. I didn't go much further -- I just walked closer to it and watched the water.

You know, for a prairie girl, I've always been drawn to water. I just love watching it. (Not like in my glass, or in a swimming pool, but when it's moving in a body of water.) It calms me. And I listened to the birds, and the weather was just perfect (still is) -- blue blue blue blue sky. I just stood there and watched for I don't know how long. And then I found myself praying -- just thanking God.


And then I walked home, leisurely, hands in my back pockets, like I was talking a walk with an old friend.

I think I'm going to hand in this paper tomorrow, or something. Handing it in tonight would require making an appearance at the departmental barbeque at Dr. B's house, and that's just awkward. Me, all unkempt and bleary-eyed and red-nosed. (Since I cleaned up the kleenex mountain yesterday, apparently I emptied four more boxes. Weird.) "Oh no, I can't stay! I'm just, um, handing in my draft. Hi, Department Head! Hi, Mean Departmental Secretary! Yeah, I'm still hoping to defend in June! Let's hope I don't have to make too many more changes!" No. AWK-ward!

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