Integration

It's very surreal bringing a child into a student-oriented space. Right now, there's a two-year-old sleeping in a playpen, in my room, which doubles as my office. Stacks of books on Weimar culture and politics, and a sleeping toddler. My bathroom has a poster on the door which reads, "Is your bathroom breeding Bolsheviks?" and there's a potty and a little step stool for her to reach the sink, and a tiny little toothbrush. Ther'es soft music playing on my stereo, to help a toddler sleep. When I wash my dishes, there are small plates and forks mixed in with the dishes. When I unplug my laptop, I have to be conscious to put a safety plug into the electrical socket.

I'm used going away from my home when I babysit. Away, I become "Auntie Mary." While I may do some homework while she's sleeping (learning German is great for naptimes), my primary focus is this tiny one, and my entire role is as her caretaker. But, in my home, it's different. I can't just shut off one aspect of myself and become "Auntie." I'm me, in my home. I have grown-up friends (such as the neighbour boys) stopping by, borrowing fondue pots.

This month is going to be an adjustment. I'm no longer allowed to be nocturnal; there's a tiny girl expecting her auntie to be energetic to play at 8:30 in the morning. I had to shift my allergy shot appointments to 10:00am, instead of 2:00pm; I had to plan around her nap. When I have my meeting with Dr. B, over this present draft, I'm going to have to arrange for someone to come in and watch her (or drop her off somewhere), and (again) it'll have to be arranged around her nap and eating schedule.

As a single student, I learned to become selfish. I arranged my life around myself, or at most around my roomate as well. For this month, between 8:30 and 4:00, it can't be that way.

This is probably good for me; some day I will be both an academic and a parent. And you can't just ignore either of those sides.