Sunday, February 27, 2005


[Edited to Add: I just went back and fixed the links for the pictures. Silly IMDb keeps adding pictures to the Red Carpet collection, and adding them to the beginning, changing all of the URLs for all of the pictures. Hopefully now they're right. On the up side, I got a much closer shot of Scarlett Johannson's Inebriated Prom Queen hair.]

I wrote so many clever comments about tonight's Oscars, and then Blogger ate them when I hit "publish." Noooooo... So, I simultaneously read old notes about the Weimar Republic and watched the Oscars mostly on mute. I had comments on them. Now can I remember them?

1. Three comments to Scarlett Johannson:
a.) I'm really sorry about your hair. Was it the bad perm or the bleach that made it do that? Or maybe you're wearing it ironically?
b.) I saw your hair at the technical Oscars. Yeah. No, I remember people doing their bangs like that. I was in grade 7.
c.) Is there something wrong with your arm? You flailed it about limply when you were announcing the technical Oscars. I worry about you.

2. Poor Laura Linney. She hopped out of the shower, ran mousse through her hair, and realised she was late and didn't have time to go to the hair stylist.

3. And the worst dress of the year goes to.... Hilary Swank! Modestly-resembling-1970s-drapes in the front, and in from the back showing how difficult it is to wear any underwear with this dress. You've really outdone yourself.

4. Why wouldn't Beyoncé just go away and let those poor boys sing?

5. Boo, Aviator! At least it didn't win any major awards.

6. Okay, when Chris Rock yelled "Brooklyn!" was I the only one who was imagining Spot Conlan waving a cane? Yes? So then I was the only one wishing to lean over the Brooklyn Bridge and yell, "Oooohhh!!!"

Now I go back to homework.


Becca said...

your post today made me think of oh Come back fun times... Oh Come back... St.Pucci... o... o... thank you for your humorous post Mary - I shall never forget the fun you have with celeb/bridal fashion :)

Queen of West Procrastination said...

Ugly Wedding Dress is back! Apparently she had to get a new domain, and she lost some of archives, but it's now! Oh, St. Pucci. Unfortunately, the inappropriate mother of the bride dresses were lost. But they shall live on forever in my heart.

J.C.Q. said...

Yeah, not only did Beyonce ruin the male chorus, I couldn't understand a word she said and French is my first language!

Your blog is one of the bestest.

Anonymous said...

What WAS up with Beyonce that night? I am sure that there was more than one singer available that night. Seriously. And perhaps they could have got one with class, instead of someone with lime peels for eyelids and a dress that I wore in grade 11 when I was going through my "dress in mothe-eaten threadbare 70s clothes" phase. Come on, folks. This definitely was the worst oscars EVER.