On the weekend, I heard back from my supervisor saying that he liked the bit of writing I sent him, and with a few bits of suggestions for revision. I said that it shouldn't take me long (but that I wasn't going to do it on the weekend), and so I could have it back to him early this week.
I was a little scared of saying that, because of how I sabotage myself with deadlines. It's like I suddenly get writer's block, and all this anxiety about my progress in this program rises up, and what if I can't do this on time? What if I don't know what I'm doing with this dissertation? And it takes me an extra week on top of what I say it should.
But I worked so that this wouldn't happen this time. I made a plan of attack: print off the piece, and then get set up somewhere where I would edit someone else's work. Go through thoroughly like I'm helping out a friend and having ideas for how they can clarify their arguments. I did that on Monday. (Plus a little bit of the computer work, but when I got stuck, I realised that it was late in the afternoon and time for me to stop working anyway.)
And then today, I just made the changes in the document, which resulted in me finding even more that I could clarify. I even had ideas for something that I should add to the introduction.
And then I emailed it to Dr. Supervisor, before 1pm today.
Before 1pm on Tuesday = "early this week." I did it! I can just push through and get this writing done.
I feel proud of myself. (Especially because today I also discovered that we've managed our monthly budget really well, partly thanks to all the cooking from scratch we've been doing, and there's money left over to pay for the repair to my mixer.)
I told Ky, and she told me that I should make a note of today, to remind myself that I can do this. I'm not a big screw-up. I am capable.