Time: 8:58AM, by the clock on the computer.
Location: Futon
I am wearing: pyjamas, hair in a bobbly ponytail, rubber-soled slippers
Current music: Simon and Garfunkel singing "Bye Bye Love" (I've been working my way through the record of Bridge Over Troubled Water)
I'm procrastinating from: cleaning the house before Janny flies here tomorrow.
Where I've been since Monday: Quieting my brain. Considering the fact that I have problems controlling my anxiety on a good day, the recovery from such such a long stretch of non-stop stress and panic (with bonus episodes of uncontrollable crying because I'm convinced I won't be able to handle the exams) took me several days. On Tuesday I overdid it and made myself busy all day. On Wednesday, I fell apart because I realised that, at my current pace, I wouldn't get a change to stop before Janny arrived. I ended the day by bursting into tears while trying to make muffins for prayer meeting, after which Chris decided that we were not hosting prayer meeting that evening and that I was heading for bed. Thursday morning I spent mid-panic attack, hyperventilating about how I was going to find the emotional energy to volunteer at Chris's school's walk-a-thon that afternoon. The funny thing is that the walk-a-thon was actually where I began to finally decompress.
What ended up helping: Talking out all my crazy thoughts with Chris. Also, having my friend Rebecca over for lunch yesterday (she had taken the day off); we had a picnic on the back lawn while wearing silly hats.
How I feel now: Calm. I can't really handle any new major stresses yet, but I'm not getting stressed out by everyday life anymore. I'm also happy. It really is nice finally being able to stop and relax without feeling guilty that I should be accomplishing something.
3 comments:
I'm so glad that you have been able to relax. I understand...I haven't been attaining ABD status, but I went from a really busy job in the busiest season to suddenly being on maternity leave. It was weird.
I'm glad you are feeling better.
Glad to hear you've found some peace. People talk about the post-comps let-down/anxiety experience, but you can never fully understand it until you've experienced it yourself. It's a tough balancing act, because you need to rest, and yet it's hard sometimes to find a way to re-focus in order to start on the diss-- and to even know where or how to start. Don't give yourself a hard time. You need a break and you deserve one.
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