Academic and Human: Part 2

I'm continuing a train of thought that began here.

(Setting the scene: for lack of a Christopher, I'm cooking supper terribly late. I'm wearing everything that I bought today, including the beautiful brown dress pants that I bought at Jacob, with the -- unfortunately clashing -- black felt 1930s-style hat that I found at Aldo Accessories. Seriously, this hat is adorable; it has a huge button on one side. I'm feeling cute and clever and I think I might go out and solve some old-timey mysteries in this hat and my black wool peacoat.)

Today I took the afternoon off and went shopping with one of the department's new MA students. I've gotten to know her pretty well because she lives near me and doesn't drive, and so when I've had the car I've driven her home from departmental events. She's new here and, because she doesn't drive and no one had shown her around, she doesn't know the city at all.

Both she and I had to take time off from our work to do something that could seem pretty frivolous to us; we spent an entire afternoon shopping for clothes and housewares. We had specific goals (I was looking for dress pants that didn't hang like pyjamas on me; she needed some new shirts and sweaters), but the trip was also to show her the various malls and downtown stores that she hasn't encountered in this city. The whole time, I also explained how she could also reach these stores by bus.

This was a stretching exercise for both of us. This was the first time, since we each moved here, that we spent social time with someone from the department, entirely outside of the context of our schoolwork or any departmental function. Both of us had to let down our guards and allow ourselves to admit to each other that we like pretty clothes. As a female academic, that's harder than I can describe. We had to allow ourselves to be friends and not just "colleagues." By the end of the afternoon, I was relaxed and acting more like myself than I ever had around fellow grad students. The nervous energy wasn't there; I was just myself. I noticed that she was also far more relaxed, and far less aiming to impress than I've seen her before. That defensive edge I've always heard in her voice softened considerably. We were both able to speak openly, as we discussed our plans and our experiences at the university.

I wanted to make sure that I recorded this all, because I think I learned something today. Yes, I'm in a program that guarantees that I'm always busy. Yes, there's stiff competition for funding. But this whole academic life is so much more livable when I stop and make friends, and allow myself and the others around me to be human.