Do you ever become conscious of the fact that you've been drifting aimlessly for a while? Do you ever snap back and realise that your head has been in the clouds, and you don't know how long you've been like that? That's how I feel today. Sometime around noon, I became really conscious of the fact that I was in my pyjamas and my housecoat, wandering around the Internet. The dirty dishes were stacked by the sink, and our indoor tree had apparently decided it was autumn, and was dropping leaves all over the living room floor.
Oddly enough, this realisation means that I've been making progress. If you asked Meg what it was like to live with me, she'd tell you about how often I'd come to the place where I had no idea that my bedroom floor was covered in junk, and I wouldn't see the dirty dishes and the mess. But now I'm starting to take notice, and I'm starting to "deal with things" (to use a pat and imprecise phrase). It's a slow and frustrating process, but I learning how not to avoid my life. I've been talking through all of my troubled feelings, giving voice and reasons for them. I've started keeping track of our finances. I'm starting to tackle all of my unfinished projects. Yesterday I "procrastinated" by uploading photos and tracking down websites that I'd promised to people.
It's all helping. Today I snapped out of my fog pretty quickly. I went to shower and get dressed, and while I was showering I came up with a whole bunch of ideas for my comps reading lists. Chris and I'd planned on playing Settlers of Catan after I showered, but when I came out I actually asked if I could do some work first! Chris was thrilled to hear me say anything like that. (I worked for a couple of hours and then played Settlers as a break. And I won.)
This year I want to learn how to be self-motivated and structured. I don't know how I'll survive grad school if I don't learn this now.
4 comments:
Whoa! Settlers of Catan!? Someone else has heard of it?
May I suggest a book which taught me to be motivated and structured? It's called Acheiving Peace of Heart, by Narciso Irala. He was a psychologist who studied under some of the greatest scientists of his day. He's also Christian. The most important principle for me to learn from the book was "Age Quod Agis," (id est, "Do what you're doing"), which sounds odd, I know. Anyway, it's out of print, so you have to buy it used, I think.
Anonyboy! You're back!
That book sounds really good; I'll have to check it out. I'm working my way through Boundaries right now, which is quite good for me.
Boundaries? By Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend? That looks like a good book. I'll have to see if there's a copy around here.
It's a good book (especially the original), and it's usually at every Christian book store.
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