And Now Things Have Changed

Please pray.

Here I was, worrying about a sore throat, about the weather, about a nearly-flat tire on my way to my dress fitting, and I get home to a message from my mother, where it sounds like she's been crying. It turns out that my cousin Marlin was killed in a motorcycle accident. He was two months older than me.

Today has been the strangest day. I barely have known how to act: I didn't really want to deal with other people, and yet I didn't want to be alone. There was nothing I could do, and yet somehow wedding preparations seemed like blasphemy. It was really hard going back through the guest list and trying to guess who wasn't going to be able to make it on Saturday after all. And I'm really avoiding thoughts that feel really selfish to me -- such as "But nothing like this was supposed to happen on the week of my wedding!"

Please pray for his family. His little brother just got married on Saturday, and his older sister just had a daughter over Easter. And please pray for his wife (of not even a year). I can't imagine being a widow before I'm 25.

This is probably way too soon to be posting this on my blog, and I'm sorry if you're in my family and this is the way in which you first find out. I don't know what else to do.