I'm going to be okay. After all of this anxiety, I'm going to be okay. I had a really good meeting with Dr. B today. I was so nervous, and so convinced that this meeting was going to confirm my fear that everything was about to fall apart. I imagine I was quite pale when Dr. B arrived -- and I was praying fairly frantically. And then the meeting was lovely.
I'm pretty much done everything, except for chapter three, which needs some fleshing out. Realistically, I was expecting this. The meeting was good for giving me direction on how I can do this. For everything else, there's a word here and there -- little picky stuff that should only take a few hours. He likes my conclusion! I'm not supposed to change it! I'm still stunned. Dr. B raved about how well-written it was, and how it was enjoyable to read! I don't know whose thesis he was reading, because it felt like a mess when I handed it in. (Granted, I was only on a couple hours' worth of sleep over several days, at that point.)
The target is to defend in late July. One snag: Chris and I will have to live in Saskatchewan for a couple of weeks longer than expected. We have a back-up plan, if July doesn't pan out (defend in early September; have Dr. B and department head appeal to UVic for mercy, convincing them that I'm essentially finished and should be taken on as a provisional PhD student, pending official completion of my MA). I pray we don't have to come to that point, but it's there as an option.
So, I'm fine. I have no cause for panic. I'm still adjusting to that feeling; it seems new, because the panic had set in for so long. I feel light and silly, like boulders have been taken off of my shoulders.
And now I'll be gone for the next several days. I'm heading off to visit Backwater Sask, and won't be back until Monday night. I'm creating a long weekend for myself.