Monday, May 30, 2005

Changes and Flashbacks

I'm on the brink of a lot of change. Today, I said good-bye to Christopher, who was visiting this weekend. The next time I'll see him will be the week before we get married. I also talked to someone from Victoria about renting an apartment, and made an appointment to look at some places when I'm out there in two weeks. Two weeks! Today is my second-last day with Wee Girlie, and the last day at my house (tomorrow I'll be at her house, with the new babysitter, to teach her the routines and to ease the transition).

And I got my first wedding present in the mail today (from someone on Christopher's side, who can't come to the wedding).

At the same time, I've been reminiscing. Ky and I came to the realisation that we've been on a real 1990s kick lately, re-living a lot of things from our teen years. I've been mildly addicted, sadly, to the early seasons of Dawson's Creek (which is also the fault of the days when I babysit over at WG's house, because there's only so much on TV between 8 and 9, which is the hour I have before she wakes up). I watched Empire Records the other day, and Reality Bites a while ago. I've been reminiscing about when my hair was long and I wore plaid and Doc Martens, and have been analysing the mid-1990s obsession with angst. My whole year has been like this: I've been running into people from far into my past, and have been re-reading a lot of my really old writings. In general, there's something in me that feels about fourteen. Sixteen at the oldest.

I recently read something by a psychologist who said that we go through the same stages of development when we're little babies/toddlers as we do when we're adolescents, and again possibly when we reach adulthood, around the point where we move out, get married, etc. I wonder if I'm at that stage, where I'm finally going through the kind of absolute changes that I did when I left elementary for high school, and changed my entire group of friends. I feel like I've been in essentially the same stage since high school: sure, I've moved out, but I'm still here in Regina. Everything in my life is about to change, and for some reason I'm uncontrollably reminded of the adolescent and early teen years.

I don't know how else to explain why I'm here right now.

5 comments:

Life of Turner said...

As a fellow over-analyzer of life stages and psychology, I have this advice for you: enjoy this time now while you can! Live each day to the fullest. And if that doesn't work, carpe nocturne!

Derek out.

Chris Reed said...

Oh dear, I rely on my memory so much for certain events and times of my life. I have never been an avid photographer and I rarely journal. I have always relied on the oral history that is my life. It will be an adjustment to suddenly be so documented once married.

Chris Reed said...

With that said though I am in a form of constant reflection. How did this go and what could I do better next time, etc. I blame that on my U of R education training and all of the reflective journals that they made us write.

Jen said...

I totally understand about that reverting thing. I've been doing a lot of that this year- my theory on it is that since I have to act like a grown up so often, that when I don't have to, I act like a kid.

Queen of West Procrastination said...

I just realised that I'm confused by Chris's comment: is this a response to the previous post?

But, at that, keep in mind that I really don't feel like I can just "rely on my memory." My memory is terrible, especially for my constant wish to preserve exactly how a specific place or event feels to me. All of that slips so quickly, with me. (I don't have the luxury of the near-photographic memories of you and Derek. Robots.)