Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Grumble Grumble Grumble

I'm tired of reading about Germany's paramilitary politics.

I'm tired of not being finished this thesis, so long after I was expecting to be done.

I'm tired of wasting so much time, and of days flying by while I feel like I've barely achieved anything.

I'm frustrated as a result of dealing with the History Department secretary, who is convinced that Dr. B's plan for me defending my thesis well before my wedding is an inexperienced pipe dream, and tried to make me expect to not be able to defend until the fall, even December. She seemed unreasonably pessimistic to me, and I chose not to believe her at the time, but now I'm getting myself worried.

I'm tired of this picky work, where I'm going all over the place and reading a book on politics here, a diary there, a section on cynicism there. My head can't balance all of these, and I'm confusing myself.

I'm tired of feeling like I've somehow lost the ability to write. I'm also tired of having to come back to sections that I wrote ages ago, and where I feel like I have to utterly re-learn that section.

I'm tired and frustrated tonight. I got some work done, but I feel like I wasted a lot of the evening. I probably need sleep. I'll have better perspective in the morning. I also get to go to the chiropractor tomorrow, which will make me feel good, although it will make me worried that I'm wasting precious time.

4 comments:

Chris Reed said...

I know from experience that by the time I comment on this current round of panic that you will have likely moved through it. But it still hurts to see you hurting. I love you. I'm praying.

Love Chris

Meg Persson said...

Oh Mary, I'm praying too. I know that you've gotten a lot of work done, and you've read so many things. It's hard to move from reading to writing though, I know. Maybe we need to get you out of the house, or somewhere where you can write. Or you can shake your sillies out, that always helps too.

I love you!

Meggie.

LynnieC said...

Dear Miss Mary. Don't listen to grouchy old Marilyn. But don't tell her I said that either, cause I know the fear that those on her bad-side live in. Dr B would never set you a goal he didn't think you could do. So Bah. Go kick some history ass.

arimich <> said...

Lynnie, you are priceless. I've never heard history described quite that way.